(D7, LA) Meditations on Marriage

[Kuni Yasu]

Yasu laughs a little. "Honestly it's a little apparent she has some interest in my direction, so those rumors were kind of nice to hear from that angle as well. Ah well..." She's not particularly looking forward to telling another person that she's kind of settled on someone, but knows that who knows what matches the Deer will end up making.

"But I'm glad you've found some closeness along with the unfounded rumors." Her tone is genuine, a bit hopeful for him. "And well, none of us can be sure of what will happen, can we?"

There's a short pause, and then, before she can decide not to say it, "Are we..like that then? Friendly?"

[Kitsu Murato]

"I... certainly don't feel only friendly toward you. But I will be glad to be your friend and hope for you to be happy. I completely support your feelings for Tanabe, though and won't make any further attempts to win yor affection, as I don't wish to hurt either of you or what you have together," he offers in complete honesty. His eyes seem to carry a mix of resolve and sadness.

"Even if what we shared seems fleeting now."

[Kuni Yasu]

"Does it?" Her hand strays to his gift at her waist. "I guess it's me that holds the reminder," she says with a soft smile. "Was I wrong to hear something of it in your song though?"

The smile seems a bit more solid, as she says, "your good wishes and friendship mean a lot to me, and...you already have my affection." Her eyes drop to her twined hands. "Just, in a measured quantity."

"I've been...watching friends, some old and some new, juggling these affections for multiple other people and...I do think there's more pain in the end that way, feeding every fire at once. I know that can't be a consolation."

[Kitsu Murato]

Don't say that to me... he thought to himself.

"No, it was there. I just..." he turned to look at Yasu and smiles a bit ruefully. "If you say such things I'll find myself wanting to reach for you. This is all new to me and I don't know how to measure those quantities. Even with what I felt the other day when you told me how you felt, it doesn't change the fact that I know what your paint tastes like... and I would taste it again if you shared it. But that serves neither of us. So what we had needs to be fleeting for me to be okay with it here, and so that you don't hurt Tanabe."

His smile then brightens a bit. "But if the Shika do match us, you should be happy to know you would have a husband would share in certain parts of your duty, fighting otherworldly threats at your side. And that would be true regardless of which clan they thought most appropriate. We have that in common already."

[Kuni Yasu]

Both hands return to her lap, fingers laced lightly together, resisting the urge to touch her lips and reaching to her contact with the unmoving earth for grounding. If I hurt you both there really was no point. Instead she nods once, unwilling to meet his eyes, acknowledging every part of that desire and need and culpability. "I understand. It's my nature to remember, hold onto everything. That's where it can stay." And if we're matched, I hope you'll forgive the memories of Tanabe I'd cling to just as firmly.

"I've thought of that. You would be a good Crab. And your sight would be...very useful, very reassuring when trying to learn if there are other spiritual influences nearby." She'd though of it at the river, how much less vulnerable she'd feel washing away her mask with that small confirmation that there weren't trickster spirits or wandering ghosts nearby.

"Though I think I'd make a poor Lion, even fighting those smaller troubles. I would always feel I'd left the task of holding back the bonfire to go stamp out embers. And my research...nobody else would allow that. " She frowns a bit in thought. "The Kitsu are known to be jealous of their bloodlines, yes? It is far more likely they'd want you to remain?" Trying to convince herself? Or unseen Deer watchers?

[Kitsu Murato]

"Every clan hopes to gain and not to lose. But they left the decision to the Shika here. I'm personally not concerned about who will join who. That is just part of the politics. In the end we all serve the empire. The form of that service is not as much of a sticking point for me," he admits, seemingly completely comfortable with the idea of being sent to any clan.

[Kuni Yasu]

"Most clans aren't losing people daily to the corruption they hold from the rest of Empire." And sometimes having them stand back up among the enemy "It's not exactly an equal loss for us." Yasu says with conviction, but no upset. "I know...what difference does one person make in that? I should let go and leave that judgement to the nakodo too, but it's hard to trust when I'm not sure they understand the stakes."

She pauses, takes a long breath. "But I would do everything in my power to continue that fight, wherever I'd end up. But I'm not a good liar, so it'd be hard to pretend I was happy about leaving my research behind."

[Kitsu Murato]

"Well, if it happens to come to pass, that we were paired and you were made a Lion... I would not only honor my promise to learn of the Crab's duty, I would use my father's political connections to be assigned as a diplomat or courtier for the Lion to Crab lands. So that you could be close to that duty you would not wish to give up," he offered. "And I could work to gain Lion support for it. Though this promise would be one of contingencies of you being paired with me and joining the Lion."

His smile was genuinely supportive. He truly did care for her, even if he knew that she was devoted to another. And it hurt for him to feel this way, but he couldn't change how he felt.

[Kuni Yasu]

Her eyes widen a moment with a fear she can't even name yet as cracks open in her conviction that love and duty aligned, a conviction that other choices rested upon and that gave her some quiet hope that there was at least as good a chance of the Deer agreeing with those choices as not.

"That's...so much. Whether or not it comes to pass, Murato-san, it means a lot to me that you would do that. It..." there's a haunted uncertainty in her eyes. She can't say it eases her mind any, though it really should. "That would make the match easier. Should it come to be, I'll do everything I can to return that care."

She takes a long breath, trying to let her thoughts settle into sense, unused to the disorder. "Either way, you would learn of our duty." A change of subject. And ordered topic. "I can tell you how we tend those broken by it, or what it is to tend those who rely on the tea of jade petals...which is a more hopeful thing...or of the nature of the land beyond our wall that would expand if we let it?" She wouldn't turn away any topic within the subject. It's just that making the list is soothing.

[Kitsu Murato]

"Whatever you feel is most relevant. You are the expert, and I a humble student," he says. "Well, humble in so far as being a student. A bit less humble in general," he says with a smirk.

"I trust in your judgement," he continues.