The Game of Gift Giving

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Saibankan
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The Game of Gift Giving

Post by Saibankan » Sun Aug 01, 2021 12:03 am

Gift giving in Rokugan is more than a biannual obligation where you can stop by the local convenience store the day of, toss a gift card in a bag, and call it a day. It is a ritual meant to showcase both the giver's sincerity and the recipient's humility. It's also a great time for both to show how clever they are while recognizing the gift's merits. Gifts can be given for any reason, but it is traditional to give a gift to the host of a large event, such as a court or a miai.
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Re: The Game of Gift Giving

Post by Saibankan » Sun Aug 01, 2021 12:13 am

What to give?

1. A gift should not be a practical item. Gifts of weapons, armors and other practical items imply that the recipient's lord does not provide them with the basic necessities. The exception to this rule is if the giver is a well-known crafter of such items. In those cases, the true gift is the skill that went into the item, rather than the item itself, and it is acceptable.

2. A gift should be personally significant. The best gifts are those that hold a deeper meaning for both parties. A smooth rock from a battlefield that one saved the other's life at will always be better than the shiniest gem.

3. Items that are made by the giver are valued more highly than those that are purchased. Again, this makes the gift more meaningful, and better symbolizes the giver's intent than something that was merely purchased.

4. The monetary value of the gift doesn't matter to most recipients....but it may matter to those who know of the gift given. You can give a poem, or each a piece of fruit to the Emperor himself and it is a fine gift....but the clans do tend to delight in using gifts to show off their affluence.
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Re: The Game of Gift Giving

Post by Saibankan » Sun Aug 01, 2021 12:20 am

How to give a gift.

The basic format of the exchange are three offers, and two refusals:

1) Giver offers the gift with a reason to give it.
2) Recipient refuses to accept the gift with a reason for not taking it.
3) Giver offers the gift a second time with a new reason for the recipient to take it.
4) Recipient refuses to accept the git for a new reason.
5) Giver offers the gift a third time with another new reason for it to be accepted.
6) Recipient gracefully agrees and accepts the gift.

Keep in mind, despite one party offering a gift, and one refusing it, this is not an argument. Do not argue the reason for either giving or receiving the gift, agree to their point and add a "but you should/I can't" Ideally your first offer of a gift should be the obvious reason of why you're offering it, and your third offer should be the most meaningful reason, but this is not strictly necessary.
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Re: The Game of Gift Giving

Post by Saibankan » Sun Aug 01, 2021 12:31 am

A good example of the game of gift giving:

A-ko: "Thank you for hosting me this winter B-ko. In gratitude, please accept this selection of teas I have gathered from my homeland.

B-ko: "That is a lovely offer, A-ko, but truly your presence here is all the gift I need for the whole winter, the teas are quite unnecessary

A-ko: "And I am looking forward to spending the winter in your company, B-ko. On these cold nights there is nothing better than a hot cup of tea I find, except that tea being shared with a dear friend such as yourself. It is in the name of our friendship that I offer these teas to you.

B-ko: And I value your friendship A-ko. Still, there are many at this court with who would benefit with sharing tea with you. I could not deny you the opportunity to do so by accepting your lovely gift, and so I must refuse.

A-ko: Truly, there are many I will share tea with this winter, A-ko. But these particular blends come from the lands we grew up together in. I would ask that you take them as a symbol of our years together, that we might enjoy them together and reminisce on those times.

B-ko: Well, to honor our years of friendship, how could I refuse such a gift? I would gladly accept these teas, and look forward to sharing them with you over the winter.
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Re: The Game of Gift Giving

Post by Saibankan » Sun Aug 01, 2021 1:04 am

Note:

Due to time-zones and work schedules, some players may not wish to roleplay out the game of gift-giving. There is a difference between a player disliking the game, and a character disliking the game. If both parties are fine with hand-waiving the game with each other, that's totally fine. As with all things with other people, if you're not sure, shoot them a quick pm: "Hey is it ok if I just write, 'I present them my gift and after the ritualized exchange...."
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