Kyuden Shika

The Matsu Ishioka who stood in the castle gardens amid another rainy afternoon wasn't the same as the Stone Matsu who'd arrived at Kyuden Shika 10 days ago. He was now a man very much in love, very hopeful about the future, and also very anxious about all the ways it could still go wrong.

Ishioka looks out across the beautiful but water logged gardens and feels rather right about what he sees. They're built to withstand the rains. I'm built to withstand anxiety, he reminds himself. No fear. He takes a heavy breath. We can do this.

A storm was brewing and Narumi could feel it on the horizon; whether it was proverbial or literal, she wasn't sure yet. Either way, her thoughts were as dark as the clouds overhead as she stood next to the Stone Matsu under his large umbrella. Both looking out over the garden for a long time without speaking.
Finally, she breaks the silence.
"Zeni for your thoughts?" she keeps her voice low, only raising it loud enough to be heard over the rain.

Ishioka looks at Narumi and smiles. Maybe in spite of the worries, or maybe because they've already overcome so much that he worried about.

"You are always welcome to my thoughts," he says softly, turning a little to better face her. "They aren't fancy. I worry about what we are hoping to build. Not that it might be wrong, just that doing what seems right isn't easy." He moves awkwardly, like he wants to touch her but is worried about how she's feeling. He decides to simply touch his fingers to her wrist, checking her reaction but at least showing he still feels connected. "But no duty is easy, hm?"

She glances up at him and his smile is returned but doesn't come as easily.
"No. It isn't easy, not at all," she concedes, dropping her gaze but leaning closer to him. "Not like I'd grown up imagining it would be, at least."

Ishioka chuckles, probably making her confused a moment before he explains.

"I grew up being the wrong person for everything," he says quietly, smiling although she can see how much hurt he still carries from that. "Finding someone that I feel so right for is... Still not easy, I suppose," he admits. "But it is a lot easier than I ever thought," he says, and she can see the adoring twinkle in his eyes.

She frowns slightly at his chuckle, but understands what he's saying.
"Growing up the protege of a renowned nakodo, while at the same time being told without flourish what a burden raising you is, takes a certain toll. As such, there's a lot of things I never got to experience, and things I've never felt until I got here."
She takes a breath and rests her head on Ishioka's shoulder.
"I always imagined something different than where I was headed. Then I got here. And I should've known better but falling in love with you was so easy."

The Lion adjusts the umbrella so he can wrap one arm around the Otter. Even if there were observers to complain about it, he thinks it's what's best for both of them.

"All the 'shoulds' are a leach on the spirit, my grandfather would say. So many shoulds that you can never satisfy, and why spend your life always having them sap your strength. He said that too many shoulds would leave you unable to do your duty at a critical time." Ishioka sighs. "The Matsu have a lot of shoulds. And it's... It's not easy to carry that, even when you're used to it." He gives Narumi a gentle squeeze. "I think we can do it though."

She swallows a threatening lump in her throat and clung to his arm tightly.
"I came here trying to get away from someone telling me what I can and can't do, telling me what I'm supposed to do... and left adrift on my own I find I'm craving the same direction without guidance, and failing everyone around me in the process because I have no idea what I'm doing." Her voice cracked and she took a breath.

Ishioka can't help but smile as that now-familiar feeling of commonality with Narumi comes over him again.

"You know," he says gently, "that sounds pretty familiar. Except maybe I'm a step ahead, because even though I have no idea what I'm doing, I know what I want." His unoccupied hand finds one of hers, laying over and sheltering it like he did the first time they touched this way.

"Can you tell me what you want?"

It takes several long moments for her to answer. He can almost feel her mulling over things, weaving her way through her thoughts, sorting through things even now, and compartmentalizing.
There was no way to answer his question that wouldn't end in one or both of them getting hurt.
She sighed in resignation, and held him closer.
"Being with you, I've felt more at ease, more like the me I want to be, than I ever have before. We're cut from the same cloth, you know me better than anyone has. Things are so easy, I don't have to pretend to be what I'm not." she pauses again, and her eyes well with tears. "But being with you? Is the most difficult thing I've ever done." She buries her face into his shoulder, as she had that morning. "So no, Ishioka," she says, somewhat muffled. "I can't answer that."