Kyuden Shika

"And you think that counts as a pampered life? Your scars are just as deep and real as anyone's. He embraced her as she had him so many times. It's okay to let it out, the pain, if you never have before I promise it helps. You are not a killer you ARE a healer and releasing one from a life of pain is a mercy. I hate violence and the sight of blood makes me ill, what you do requires great strength, more than many are capable of. Taking a life is anger is easy, too easy for some but taking a life in mercy sounds far harder and if I were one of those soldiers I would thank the fortunes that I could be returned to the cycle by one as devout and compassionate and beautiful as you. You are an angel after all." he kissed her forehead and just held her for a moment.

"I have a roof over my head, I have a loving father, a devoted mother, nice younger brother...Those are things that many aspire to have." She held to the Crane. "The hardships of losing people that you barely now that are holding to that string... Soyo kun...It hurts... it really does. no matter if it an ally or an enemy... I can't..." The girl held to his kimono. "I am hurt... by many but what hurts me the most is that I am just forgotten..." A tear fell from her eyes. "Even if you made me feel pain for not telling me about today even I am in pain for telling Murato san that I didn't want to see him any more today... they are tough decisions that people make."

"You are not forgotten, not by those you healed or those you have brought mercy and you could never be forgotten by me. If my actions have made you ever feel that way I am deeply sorry, I want to help shoulder your pain not add to it. I want you to feel comfortable in telling me these things. I want you body, mind and soul."

"Then why you forgot me?... why didn't you tell me about today?" She looked at him. "It was about me... about us... you decided on one side... my hope it is lesson that you should learn. "

"It wasn't forget, all I do is think about you. I knew a duel over you would upset you so I hoped to spare you that pain. I'm used to my mistakes bringing me pain, I'm utterly lost in what to do when they bring others pain, so I sought to shelter you from them. But how do I protect you from pain when I am that pain? You want honesty and your deserve it but honesty often leads to pain. I would give you honesty now but I need to know that you believe I love you more than anyone and anything in this world."

"You should trust those you love." She looked somewhat disappointed. "And I do belive you love this one... You have sacrificed this one for what? Please explain..."

The words choked in his throat, he couldn't speak, could barely breath as the sorrow welled up within him and he became small.

"I think you should forget this one."

The tears flowed without restraint.

"I am broken Bai-chan, I'm a mess and I don't want to inflict my issues on you. You deserve better, you deserve so much better. I love you more than I love myself and I always will but Murato doesn't need the way I do, he isn't going to hurt you they way I have. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm scared of what happens at the end of this, I'm always so damn scared and you shouldn't have to live with that with someone who has no control over their emotions. I would do ANYTHING for you even if that thing is going away, I don't want to but if it will make things easier for you I will. You can't have both of us and while being with you is dream it is a selfish dream." He wiped away his tears. "I have been so selfish this whole time, hiding things from you, confronting Murato, dueling over you. I've never had anyone in my life like you and in my need to be with you I would forsake everything and everyone else, duty and honor are secondary concerns to your happiness. But I would also smother you with that need to make you happy and everything I do that I think will spare you pain only makes it worse. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you, but I also think Murato will make you happier."

He sighed and took a deep breath.

"This is what I am, broken. These are the things I have left unsaid for fear of driving you away."

Bai looked at the Asahina. "Thank you..." She placed a kiss on his cheek. "But you don't decide what I want but I forgive you. I don't care if you are broken. I am broken as well." She shook her head. "We can be broken together."

"How do I do this? How do I balance including you without overburdening you?"

"We talk..." She showed her pinky to him "We made a promise."