Kyuden Shika

The day was done, Koi had recovered from the night and the events of the day mostly. She had never felt so tired than now in her life, her body ached as much as her mind and it took effort for her to even leave her room.

She had applied some make up, and had eaten a little rice but her stomach was not doing her any good. She didn't even want to leave her room, the rain seemed to drain away her happiness as she headed to the castle.

It took her a while, she had to ask the heimin a few times for direction and a few times more to level stares at people whispering about her. Which made her about as mad as she could be, she held her composure though but she felt her hands shaking with agitation as the aneixity pulled her around.

Arriving at the room she was early it appeared, and sat down trying to collect herself. Trying to not allow her emotions to get the better of her. Trying. Trying so hard.

The arrangement having been made, and Nesshin being lodged in the castle, he is not far behind her, though his presence has attracted less attention than hers. It makes sense, of course; he's been assigned to the library before, and he is a local.

And it is amusing that there's been so much talk already, he thinks. As if I've changed my behaviors somehow.

He bows when he sees her. "Kaikoga-san," he says, "I've come at your call."

He grins. "A moth to your lantern."

Koi looked up at Neeshin, her heart welling up as thoughts dark and maliciously vile pounded into her mind and replaced the beautiful moth with something almost withered and fragile as her mind played against her.

Tears wanted to come to her eyes but she tried to hold her composure, and as the door to their room was slide closed she threw herself into Nesshin 's arms and held him.

"I was lost without you today, my mind filled with dark clouds that only seemed to weigh me down even as I tried to proceed happier and do the things that give me peace." She whispered, and as she spoke touched the face of Nesshin with trembling fingers.

Surprised, Nesshin pauses for a heartbeat as Koi presses herself to him. But only a moment; his arms encircle her warmly, firmly, and he kisses the top of her head.

"Hush, now," he whispers. "It's alright. You're going to be okay."

Koi broke in Nesshin's arms over the course of about five seconds, at first she simply held onto him before she began to shake as tears welled up and before she just began to cry.

The flirtatious mask of a young women that seemed confident faded away into the void as she simply lost herself in Neeshin's arms.

Her hands shook violently, and in which Koi tried to stop them but only caused her to grow more agitated and in which she tried to hold them tight but that didnt work. She remained like that for several, several, several minutes unable to speak fully but occasionally words like "Out of touch", "Alone", "Overwhelming" slipped out.

Eventually her knees would buckle underneath her causing her to go limp in the knee.

Triggering Anxiety. Regain +1 Void Point. +3 Strife.

Nesshin, still holding her, drops to a knee along with her, still enfolding her in his arms.

This is different, he thinks, and he resumes making hushing, calming noises not at all unlike those he's used to coax wildlife in the forest. And he strokes her back gently, patting it in a repeating pattern of three. "You're gonna be okay," he says, quietly, warmly. "It's all gonna be okay.

"Just let it all out."

Koi held onto Neeshin for a good ten minutes just unloading a lot of her anxiety- it was not pretty but at the same time it was poetically human.

Perhaps a curse of being attuned to dreams? More sensitive to emotions? Or something was just wrong with Koi, as it was like she carried a weight of a mountain on her.

Eventually, she calmed and her breathing calmed to a slow shuddering breath as she laid there dazed and confused as exhaustion washed over her.

"Sorry.." Koi croaked, her throat dry and raw. "Gomen...gomen..I am sorry..." She gulped, and held her hands together. "I-I there is something wrong with me..."

Nesshin kisses the top of her head again and continues to hold her.

"Nothing to apologize for," he says, still quietly. "Can you talk about what's wrong? Do you want me to distract you? What all would you like?"

He's confused, perhaps, but he can't not offer to help. It'd be rude, for one. And, for all his horniness, Nesshin's a more or less nice guy.

Koi held onto his kimono with delicate fingers, and shook with a little shudder. "J-just darkness fills my life, I spend so many nights developing information for my clan so the day can not see the pain that haunts my waking life."

She chewed her bottom lip, and sighed trying to pose the words correctly to try and salvage her composure but couldn't. Not yet.

"I feel so overwhelmed by this all, like it floods my mind and so many eyes on me..." She choked. "What if they know?" She whispered. "What if they know I ran away? They wont care why..."

"What'd you run away from?" Nesshin asks. "Maybe I can help you face it."

His voice remains quiet, his arms still around her, his forehead resting on hers.

"And it does matter why."