[D8, LM, Ishioka's room, expecting] Figuring things out

[Matsu Ishioka]

Ishioka's hair bristles a little at the oblique references. He keeps his head, making sure he's thinking about what Narumi is really saying.

"It is difficult... as you said, in matters of the heart... to be thoughtful about what is heard. But the source is important. I wonder, for example, what you have heard about me that is different than what I have actually said to you myself?"

He tries to keep his voice calm and level, fighting back hurt at the implication his word can't be trusted.

[Usogawa Narumi]

"Nothing," she said, clipped, and put her cup down with a bit of a smack on the table.
"Your beloved Dragon-ko met me at the temple yesterday afternoon. Right before I was due to see you. She let me know... in no uncertain terms... that you were hers. And if I wanted you, I would have to share."
She lets that sit for a minute, steeling and setting her lips in a tight line. "I can't do this." She repeats the same thing she said to Inoshishi, and shook her head in defeat.
"So I conceeded." Her voice shook and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

[Matsu Ishioka]

The Lion listens patiently to Narumi, but patience evaporates on the last comment.

"Wh..." The Lion can't even finish one word. He forces an exhale as he fights the feeling around his heart that he can't breathe.

"No," he gasps. He remembers her saying she wouldn't fight for him. He hadn't fully understood, hadn't wanted to believe. This... This is even worse...

Ishioka's head falls into his hands, bent over the tea cup she'd just poured for him. "Hu... How..." His eyes close and there's a shuddering breath from the man's big chest.

"Just this morning we..." he croaks in disbelief.

[Usogawa Narumi]

".... There's more." She had reopened her eyes when he gasped and she tries to regain her composure, but the more she talks the harder it becomes, and the more he reacts, the more she wants to rush to him.
She sits stiffly on the other side of the table. "She kissed me."
Narumi shrugged just a little, "She said she would share you. That we could all make one another happy. Then she looked right through me.. like you do.. I don't know what she saw, but I was helpless to keep her out after everything that had been said by that point... and she kissed me."

His reaction is gut-wrenching, and she doesn't know how to proceed from here. "I- I don't know what to do, Ishioka-san." the more familiar name is once more spoken in a moment of uncertainty. "I am so sorry. She's willing to do absolutely anything for you. I'm... I'm nothing in comparison."

[Matsu Ishioka]

The man with his head in his hands listens, unmoving because maybe nothing sounds crazy any more, or because he's too stubborn to just fall over. But once again, it's the mean words that Narumi directs at herself that he won't stand for.

"No," he snarls, voice low but angry. "No. You are not the same person. I do not see you the same way. Do not compare yourself to her." His head comes up as his hands settle, palms down on the table. Narumi can see much in his deep brown eyes: hurt, confusion, some rage too. But there's something stern in there too. A steely defiance that doesn't control his other emotions but also doesn't yield to them.

He takes a long breath that comes out ragged but still helps him settle a little. There's no stone keeping his emotions unreadable, but there's enough that he's not conceding anything. "Yesterday, you said you love me." He says it slow, not meaning for it to be torturous but not able to rush words now without losing control. "Do you still?" She can see in his body posture that he's braced for a no, even though he's forcing his face to show no pressure on her.

[Usogawa Narumi]

His snarl causes her to wince, and she doesn't hear the words he says... She's ready to continue arguing, tearing herself down in echo of the spiral that hasn't stopped inside her head, but that grinds to a halt when he asks his question of her. She sits with it for several moments, several uncomfortable moments for both of them.

"... How could I stop?" she finally answers quietly, barely above a whisper and her expression crumbles, any hint of the mask she'd worn before is gone. In it's place he sees a young woman brimming with self-doubt she keeps buried for her own survival, one he's gotten glimpses of behind her inner walls but not so raw like this.

[Matsu Ishioka]

The Lion melts to hear it, what he thought he'd lost. There's the tiniest sense he might cry with relief, but as the anger and confusion fall away he can focus just on Narumi, the real Narumi that's finally sitting before him.

"And I... love you," he says, so quiet she will only barely hear it, even sitting so close. "I... I need to say it, even though it's hard, because..." He hesitates. "The last person I loved, maybe the only one I've ever..." He sighs. "I loved my sister Hachiko. And I couldn't protect her. And I... I have to protect you, so I worried..." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, it doesn't make sense, but I do love you, Narumi."

[Usogawa Narumi]

Those words from him are not overlooked, she hears them, and moreover hears his emotion and intent behind them. But she can't accept them.
"There are much better samurai-ko you could give your love to. This one is just a river trash Otter; damaged and destined for mediocracy."
Slender shoulders shake from silent sobs she barely contains. Confident she doesn't deserve his attention or affection. The tea on the table between them is forgotten.

[Matsu Ishioka]

His heart pounding in his chest with rage and sadness to see Narumi this way, Ishioka struggles with what to do. I don't... have a plan for this...

He slides the table and tea aside, and scoots forward onto the now empty floor just a little. He reaches and grabs one of her hands, bringing it carefully but firmly in front of them and holding it there in his own.

"No. I will hear no more of that. You are beautiful. You are cunning and mysterious. You are..." He pauses to just look at her with adoration and conviction in his eyes. He sighs, but it's a happier sound than before. "And you are damaged, I'm sure," he says kindly, squeezing her hand, "and so am I. And we can be destined for what we want to be," he says in an excited whisper.

[Usogawa Narumi]

Tired eyes watch as he moves the table easily aside, and she takes a deep, shuddering breath to try and calm herself down.. He meets no resistance from her when he takes her hand in his, though he'd feel her trembling. She looks up to his face, searching, questioning. He sees her struggle, her eyes rimmed red with emotion.
With careful thought, she lifts his hand to her lips and kisses his knuckles gently. His words are met with a self-deprecating smile.
"I wish it were so easy to believe you. Not that I believe you're being dishonest, but because I don't believe I meet what you need."