[D14, MM] No More Tears (Expecting, Open)

[Asahina Soyokaze]

"I am not a tenth of the person she is, or you are for that matter. This whole matter aside I can think of no other reasoning for the pain in my life other than karmic punishment. I respect Mutsuki-san but I do not love her and I do not think I can, I will always compare her to Bai even if I know that isn't fair to her. I have considered other options, things that would bring Bai great pain to hear about and I will not speak of it so you need never repeat it. But doing that risks angering whatever kami I have already insulted with my past actions. I have no choice but to try and make amends for whatever debt rests on my soul. But this pain seeks to consume me whole Murato, I do not want her to see me like this. out of respect to both of you and my betrothed I will not seek her out, better she try to forgot me and focus on you."

[Kitsu Murato]

"Stop being stupid," Murato says bluntly. "It hurts. I am familiar with the pain. You are not unworthy of her, you simply were not matched. It is not always fate or karma or the intervention of the fortunes that leads to the present. Sometimes mortals just make decisions. Trust me when I say that you are not unworthy because I know what it feels like to be told by someone that you aren't enough. She never said that. Unfortunately both of us were good enough and only one could be matched. You didn't fail."

[Asahina Soyokaze]

"So what then, I am just the unluckiest man in the empire? Look around, everyone is so damn happy! Everyone except me, how can that be just bad luck, how is that not a punishment? I give credit to Moshumaru, he stopped by my room before running to Unsei's, they are happy. You and Bai, I saw others on the way here and all you can hear coming from peoples rooms are giggles and squeaks. Everyone seems to be having the best day of their life, except me..me and probably Mitsuki. She can't be happy with this at all and I don't blame her. Bai was my one in a million shot, girls probably fawned over you growing up, here. Most of the "positive" attention I got came from drunk bushi who thought I was I girl. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IVE BEEN..." He slapped the hard, not wanting to finish the sentence. No, this must be a curse because life isn't supposed to be this cruel. I will spend a life in atonement, maybe the next one won't be so bad."

[Kitsu Murato]

"I never got fawned over. More often than not, I found myself in situations where I was not good enough, and was told so," he admits.

"But did you show positive attention to anyone other than Bai? Did you truly try to connect with anyone else? Or did you just stand next to others and say hello? To get love returned you should give it. Bai returned your love because you shared your love with her. Take that lesson away from this. That you will only receive that which you are willing to give."

[Asahina Soyokaze]

"I tried, I really did. Unsei, Koi, even Mitsuki. That must be why the picked her, she's the one I spent the most time with besides Bai, never mind that she almost surely hates me. She talks to me like I am five, she shows no interest in me or my life. I am just these." He lifted his hands from the water and looked at them like he wanted to cut them off. "I am a tool that makes weapons of war and all I want is peace. Perhaps I can find that in the steppes, perhaps but I doubt it; more likely a new form of pain waits for me there. But that's fine, I don't care anymore, whatever it takes to get to my place with her in the future. It goes without saying but I envy you Murato, make the most of it."

[Kitsu Murato]

"She speaks to many people like that I imagine. Do not take it personally. Accept it for what it more likely is. Trying to help you to understand her and her point of view. And if she didn't want to share those things with you she would not have spoken to you on multiple occasions. You are a kind and talented person. She has the heart of a storyteller. Learn her stories and bring artifacts from them to life. Impress her and respect her culture. It will be odd to get used to but you will, I have no doubt."

[Asahina Soyokaze]

"And if she doesn't respect me or mine I just live with it? I don't want to be someone's bride, kept in a house and ignored my mother was treated like that, she was forge for making heirs and nothing more. The unicorn fascinate me, she does but that isn't enough after what I have tasted and I don't think it would be enough for you. You may be better and coping and excepting it but if our rolls were reversed right now how would you be taking it?"

[Kitsu Murato]

"If our roles were reversed, I would be spending as much of the day with Mitsuki as possible. There must be something there that makes it a good match or the Deer would not have made it. Do not assume that there will be no spark. Look for the tinder and light it. And for your information, my father was a home maker and I would not be opposed to that role. Remember that the two of you will be expected to have children. Even if you don't fall in love with each other, you will love them and they will make your world brighter."

[Asahina Soyokaze]

"I know it will sound selfish, I'm sure much of what I say does but the Shika are idiots. They have tried so hard to separate themselves from their Crane heritage that they have come up with this game rather then a real Miai. After this bath I will go to my forge and craft something fitting for this moment and present it to Mitsuki, I will do my duty and I will try to find happiness but I do not expect to find it. I understand my attitude is problem right now but I don't know how to make her like me, if it's strength she want's then I have none. I doubt I will be able to please her either, I don't know what Moto women like but I doubt I have what it takes, to be honest I was concerned about that with Bai and the one small grace in this is that I don't have to worry about disappointing her like that."

Even in his current state he knew he was venturing close to a line. "I am sorry, I will not speak about such things regarding her again."

[Kitsu Murato]

"Mitsuki likes to share the stories of her people. Ask about them. Find inspiration and create from there. And if you are worried about pleasing her, then ask. Be forward, unafraid to ask what she wants and then do it," he says.

"And for fortunes sake, don't try to figure it out with someone else first. It's all well and good if you find passion with another that isn't Mitsuki, but don't assume what works for one will work for another. The Moto in particular are explorers. Explore with her."